My Response to A Love that Multiples by Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar

The Duggars, a family of 21, and the stars of their TV reality series, 19 Kids and Counting, have been in the public eye for a couple of years. People from all over have found themselves fascinated with the dynamics of this large family. Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar wrote their first book, The Duggars: 20 and Counting, three years ago and have just recently come out with their second book, A Love that Multiplies. I have not read the first book but due to my growing interest in this family, I picked up the second book hoping to gain some insight into their beliefs and how they make their family work. 

I am apart of a family of 9 so I understand the dynamics of a big family. However, with 19, things are surely going to be vastly different from the dynamic I grew up in. I was mainly interested in learning about their beliefs and their seemingly legalistic mindset. I truly adore how much they value children and that they have put their trust in God when it comes to the size of their family. However, they do things very differently and I have wanted to know the reason why. Why don't they wear shorts? Why do the girls always wear skirts? How does Michelle use such a soft tone of voice ALL THE TIME? Do the older kids go to college? How are the kids so well behaved? Do Jim Bob and Michelle shelter their children too much since they have strict limits on internet use and do not own a TV? WHY do they do what they do and HOW do they make these decisions? Are they being biblical or legalistic? These are all questions I have pondered and have searched for answers on their website, through interviews, and their show. I was never quite satisfied so when I found their newest book at Mardel I decided to give it a try and see if it answered any of my questions... and it did.

I read the book within two days and found it to be very informative. It does answer a lot of questions and gives an inside, behind the stage,view into their life. I had mixed feelings while reading the book. There were some things Jim Bob or Michelle would write and I would whole-heartily agree and then there were other things that made me stop, take note, and think over later. Their heart for their children is so clear and the fact that they put great value on children drips from every page. How seriously they take on their parental role is inspiring and how much they love each other and their family is refreshing. They have strong convictions and beliefs which is so different from most American families. They really are a fascinating and encouraging family who have a strong faith and are very closely knitted together. 

When watching them on TV it is easy to wonder, "is this really them?" "Do the children really behave that well all the time?" "Is this real?" It's TV after all and anything can be portrayed on TV as real. Watching the way they interact with each other, the way they speak, how helpful the older kids are, and how Michelle and Jim Bob never seem to lose their patience, it's hard to believe that they are human. In the book, however, they really open up and reveal blood, guts, and true human weakness. Michelle shares some moments when she felt inadequate, afraid, and had lost her strength. She shares times when she became angry and spoke harshly with her kids and how God taught her to control her anger and her tongue. Jim Bob shares his inadequacies and stories of financial struggles in the past. They both admit that they are not experts and that they are still learning how to be good parents. It was great to read about those moments of weakness because it revealed that they are indeed human and that they, just like everyone else, had to start somewhere. 

The issues I do have with this family is that they seem to be very extreme (unnecessarily so) in their beliefs. They do hold to the Christian faith and live by Christian principles which is great but they seem to take it to the extreme. I have often thought of the pharisees when reading about or watching the Duggars. They appear to be "King James Version only" and they seem to take the Bible very literally. They don't deal with context, audience, culture, or the time in which the events of the Bible took place and was written. As a Bible student, I believe keeping these things (context, audience, culture, and the time) in mind while reading the Bible is extremely important in correctly understanding and applying the content. The Bible is always true and always accurate but we must be careful that we do not take things out of context and construe the true meaning of the text. I am afraid that the Duggars take what they read too literally (especially the Old Testament) and make it apply when it does not and should not. They also seem (at least in their book) to put a heavy emphases on the Old Testament. Even though they stated that as Christians we are not under the Old Testament law, they hold to a lot of Old Testament practices. They do not eat pork, they abstain from sex for 80 days after they have a girl and 40 days after they have a boy, and they determine their standard of modesty from verses in Exodus, Isaiah, and Deuteronomy. The good thing is that they don't hold to the view that everyone should follow these practices. They have just chosen to do so for their own family and I do not believe they are doing anything wrong; I simply think it is unnecessary. 

Another issue I have is the fact that they are on the verge of overly sheltering their children. I understand not having a TV. When it comes right down to it it CAN be a waste of time and there IS a lot of immorality portrayed all over the screen. I also understand having strict limitations on the internet, especially for the boys, because it DOES provide a great temptation. What I do have an issue with is the fact that they have their kids go through an online program called CollegePlus to obtain their college degree. The plus side of CollegePlus is that you can get your bachelors degree in two years and for a much lower cost than a college or university. However, it's all online. One of the reasons the Duggars choose this form of college education is because they don't want their kids being separated from the family and for them to be exposed to the other beliefs and philosophies that are encountered in college. Now, I understand this reasoning while the children are still young and in the grades pre-school through high school. This is one of the reasons I want to home school my own children. I want their education to be saturated with the Word of God and I want Kyle and I to be their teachers and disciplers. This is when that strong foundation can be placed, discipleship can occur, and relationships be formed so by the time they reach college age, they will be ready to encounter the lies the world has to throw at them. They will know what is right and what is wrong. They will be able to discern truth from lies. And even if, for whatever reason, they can't or won't, they will eventually learn on their own. I want my kids to encounter the world. I want them to know of other beliefs and philosophies. I don't want to, nor can I, shelter them from all that is a reality in this world. So because of that I say that the Duggars are a bit too sheltered in that way. 

All in all though, the Duggar family has great values and principles. They do strive to live a godly, Christ-centered life, and though they can be a bit extreme, what they do seems to be working for them. Jim Bob and Michelle seem to have a strong marriage and it is the foundation to their large, close-knit, and very loving family. 

Though my own family will be very different from the Duggars, I did learn a lot from their book that I want to remember when I become a parent. It was encouraging, informative, and gave me ideas of what I need to work on so that, when the time comes, I'll be a godly mother for my children. And though I don't agree with everything the Duggars do, say, or believe, their view of children as blessings, the great importance they put on their role as parents, and all the love, energy, time, prayer, and heart they put into raising their children is truly inspiring.