Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Place in a Dream

I long for a place where I can lay beside a gently gurgling stream where the water flows over the rocks and creates the sound of peace. I long for a place where I can lay on grass that will not scratch my skin or stain my clothes. A place where bugs can fly and crawl freely without irritating my skin or disturbing my peace. A place where the sun cannot hurt my eyes and where the rain can soak in yet not leave me wet. Where bees can gather their pollen and make their honey without causing fright. I long for a place where the flowers won't fade and the trees won't die. I wish for a place where I can run in my bare feet and not feel the pain of stabbing rocks or debris. I wish for a place of complete serenity.

I hope for the redeemed.

But in reality, at the end, after my husband has passed away and my children have grown and left me; after my skin has formed wrinkles and my energy wanes; after all that has been familiar is gone and it's just me, the hope for the redeemed and my Redeemer is all I'll have left. And I must always remind myself that that is certainly worth living for.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I began dating the man who would become my husband. I remember it well. The night before Kyle and I had been hanging out with some friends and after I had left Kyle texted me hours into the night. I don't remember all of the details of how it happened but eventually Kyle pried it out of me that I liked him. He obviously felt the same way because he asked me out on an official date. It was a Monday night and he picked me up from school and took me to see Leap Year. I remember feeling very nervous and a little hesitant but deep in my heart I knew that this was right. While in the car he asked me to get something out of his glove compartment and when I opened it, there were two flowers waiting for me. My heart jumped into my throat. I kept those flowers for as long as they lived.

Later at the movie theater, before the movie started, I poured out the story of my hurting heart and Kyle listened intently. Though I don't remember much of what was said I remember that he listened and that I was able to share such personal things with a guy I had hardly come to know. From the day we met I knew I was able to trust Kyle; there's just something about him that makes you trust him. I've never trusted a guy like that so quickly.

When we went to claim two seats in the theater I remember the overwhelming desire to grab his arm and hold it tight. So I took a risk and I did. ;) He responded by putting the arm rest up and putting his arm around me. I felt so at home.

The movie was good, the company even better, and though I didn't want to leave him, by the end of the night I was ready to go home and cry. The tears didn't hold back until home though because I felt like I couldn't leave him until I expressed what was on my mind. I had had such a good time with him and felt so at home with him in such a way I had not felt in a very long time. His hand being in mine made sense. It felt right and good. My heart was in turmoil but somehow this man hugging me, comforting me, brought me peace. It didn't take long for my heart to be at complete peace. Never had God answered my prayers so quickly. Never did I doubt that this was His will. He has blessed me with a year full of joy, laughter, and love. It has been one of the best years that I have had in a long time. Thank you, Lord, for my hubby. I love him very much. :)

Monday, January 17, 2011

Another Semester

The Spring 2011 semester begins for me tomorrow. I wasn't too excited about it at first. School has kinda lost it's excitement and fun for me since I got married. Now, however, I'm starting to look forward to it. My classes this semester should be fun and interesting and I'm starting to feel the anticipation of learning and reading and writing again. Yes, I'm a nerd; I enjoy school.

My classes this semester are The Roman World, Hebrew 2, Principles of Teaching and History & Philosophy of Christian Education. I expect Roman World to be the most difficult. I've seen the maps that I have to memorize and regurgitate. . .it's pretty intimidating. And Professor Spencer's exams are always very hard...I think only a handful of students have received A's on his exams. He's one of the nicest and smartest professors you'll ever meet though.

Hebrew 2 is likely to pose its challenges as well. Though I really enjoy Hebrew and I did exceptionally well in Hebrew 1, I know Hebrew 2 is harder and the fact that I haven't looked at Hebrew in the past two months doesn't help. I'm not too worried though. I believe it will come back to me. Dr. Warstler is also one of the nicest, gracious and smartest professors you'll ever meet.

Principles of Teaching and History & Philosophy of Christian Education should both be enjoyable classes. They are right up my alley as far as my interests go. They will both help me learn how to be a teacher. The Christian Education class I am doing as an independent study so I'll be following the lectures online and doing all of my work at home. I am looking forward to it because the work seems like something I'll enjoy doing. I thank God that He gave me a joy for reading and a gift for writing because that's all college is. That's probably why I don't mind school so much. :)

Well, it all starts this week on Tuesday and Thursday. Kyle is actually taking Hebrew 2 with me so that will definitely help make Tuesday less boring and long. It should be fun taking a class together. :) He should be thankful his wife is so good at Hebrew. . . ;)

Day 10: One Confession

I love this man!
I confess that I love my husband with more passion now than before our huge fight. It somehow brought us even closer together and more in love. He is everything I ever wanted and needed. <3

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Day 9: Two Smilelys that Describe My Life Right Now

Well, this is going to be short and odd but here it goes...

:) - Generally happy

<3 - In love

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Day 8: Three Turn Ons

1) A good sense of humor - I love to laugh

2) Taking a personal interest in me and my life - I love to be asked questions, that is the best and easiest way to get me to talk

3)Show some degree of respect - You don't have to like me, I don't expect you to be my best friend, but show some respect because I'm a human being just like you.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Day 7: Four Turn Offs

**Disclaimer: These turn offs and tomorrows turn ons will be in the light of friendship, of what I do and do not like in people, and are not meant as sexual turn ons and turn offs. My husband is the only person who needs that knowledge about me. ;)**

1) Foul language - I don't tolerate unnecessary foul language. It is simply unbecoming and offensive.

2) Disrespect - I don't tolerate disrespect from anyone. It just isn't nice.

3) Habitual smoking - It's just nasty.

4) Being unnecessarily loud - No offense to anyone but loud people annoy me.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

From the Depths of my Heart...

I wish to sleep but I can't. My body hates me because all I've eaten since Tuesday night is a sandwich and some chocolate. My head hurts, my eyes are worn out from crying, and I'm sitting here in the dark, wishing to not be disturbed. What's wrong, you ask? The first huge quarrel between husband and wife is taking place. . .has been since Tuesday night. The contents and details of our argument are not for public knowledge but since this is a blog about my life as a wife I wish to at least mention it. I'm sure every married couple out there can identify. I'm sure they can think back and remember a similar experience. Marriage isn't all peace and harmony. If anything marriage is tearing at each others throats till you figure out how to live with each other. It's the whole "iron sharpens iron" concept and the rubbing of two pieces of sandpaper. You either wear each other out or make each other better. No matter how prepared Kyle and I were for this we still have a lot to learn. It gives me a headache and makes me feel discouraged just thinking about it. Of course, Kyle and I will get through this argument and through all of the other arguments we are sure to have. However, at the moment, it just stinks.

After five months of marriage and living with Kyle, I have learned a lot about him that I didn't know before we got married. I'm sure he could say the same about me. There are just certain things that you'll never learn about a person until you live with them everyday and have to unite yourself to that person to become one entity. I thought it hurt when I argued with a boyfriend but now that it's my husband I'm arguing with, it hurts a hell of a lot more. Why? Because I can't just leave. I can walk away for a time but I can't just go home or just end the relationship. There is no ending this relationship. I'm happy about that, I don't hate my marriage, I don't want to end it, but since I'm hurting for the first time in my marriage, I realize what a huge difference there is between a dating relationship and a marriage relationship. When you get married, you don't just bring sexual intimacy into the relationship, you bring in a whoooole lot more and so does your spouse. At some point the honeymoon (whether you had a real one or not) ends and you've gotta figure out what the hell you're doing. Living in a blissful state is not reality and making each other happy all the time is impossible. Who would have thought that, when you love each other so much, making a life together would be so dang hard.

A key component to a happy marriage is communication. Now, communication has always been a hard one for me. I am a complete failure when it comes to communicating well. I think and I write and that's as far as I can go. Speaking with an individual is incredibly hard for me. I always feel stupid afterward because what I really wished to communicate didn't happen.  For instance, everything that I have written I could NOT have spoken to you. If I tried to verbally communicate all of this to you I would have failed miserably. This is why I write. When I write, I can communicate what I want to say and I can do it well. This is horrible when it comes to my marriage though. I want so desperately to be able to verbally communicate with my husband but I have proven to be a failure at this so many times. Once or twice I have written a journal entry and then handed my journal to Kyle so he could read what I had been thinking and feeling since I could not simply tell him. If only I could do this all the time but since I can't. . .I don't know what to do. I need to learn to just say what I want to say instead of keeping my mouth shut and bottling it up until I explode. Oh, but the fear that grips me when I want to speak. . .it's like there is an invisible hand clamped over my mouth, forcing me to keep quiet. I don't have this problem if I'm teaching a lesson or giving a speech because then I am expected to speak and others are expected to listen. It's only with individual people or any informal group of people that I don't know well. I can't even communicate effectively with my husband when it really matters. So, as I would do with anyone, I withdraw and when pushed or when I just can't take it anymore, I explode. As with any explosive, the contents of my heart and mind go everywhere, damaging myself and those around me. I don't know how to change this other than forcing myself to speak but I know that after this has calmed and settled, I will return to my old ways and the cycle will just begin again. God help me.

Day 6: Five People that Mean a Lot to Me

1) My husband, Kyle

2) My best friend, Grace

3) My mom

4) My mom-in-law

5) Jesus ;)

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Day 5: Six Things I Wish I Had Never Done

1) I wish I had never dated a good friend of mine because now we are not friends at all

2) I wish I had not thrown a fit yesterday when things weren't going the way I wanted them to

3) I wish I had not done so poorly in Greek....but let's face it...it's GREEK!

4) I wish I had never said some of the things that I have said to people

5) I wish I had never lost my cool with my English teacher when I was a freshman in college

6) I wish I had never gained 20 pounds

Monday, January 10, 2011

Day 4: Seven Things that Cross Your Mind Alot

1) The future - Where are we gonna be and how will we get there?

2) Finances - Hate money but always need it

3) School - It's a pain to try to get everything worked out between semesters so I can actually go

4) My plans for the week

5) Time - What time is it and how many hours until such and such?

6) My need to lose some weight

7) Lots and lots of random stuff including daydreams and worries.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Day 3: Eight Ways to Win my Heart

1) Respect me

2) Be interested in my opinions and what I think about things

3) Give me chocolate or cake or ice cream or cookies or brownies or pie. . .anything sweet!

4) Make me laugh

5) Be trustworthy

6) Show genuine kindness and care for others

7) Give me flowers

8) Hug me

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Day 2: Nine Things about Me

1) I did not gain the Freshman 15. However, I did manage to gain the Newly-Wed 20.

2) I met, got engaged to, and married my Beloved all within the time frame of 8 months.

3) I would like my first born to be born in the month of October. That way Daddy's birthday is in September, Baby's birthday in October, and Mommy's in November. ;)

4) I only befriend odd people. I don't do it on purpose, it just works out that way.

5) I like to go against whatever is most popular at the time. I just hate following a crowd.

6) I am very proud of now bearing the name Kerby. Thompson is just all too common.

7) I love the rain...and the moon...and snow...and sunsets...and...

8) I am a very practical person but a romantic at heart.

9) I don't always think very highly of myself but when my husband tells me that I'm an incredible wife and that he loves me, I know I must be doing something right. :)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Day 1: Things to Say to Ten People I Love

1) Kyle - I love you so much. You are such a good husband and my best friend. It's so weird to think about how just a year ago we weren't even dating yet finding interest in each other more and more. It happened so randomly and quickly but I don't regret it at all. Being with you brought so much peace to my heart and though I didn't want to fall in love with you, I just couldn't help myself. :) Thank you for being yourself and being everything I need. You are my beloved and you are mine. I love you.

2) Grace - I'm so glad you reached out to me in the Criswell coffee shop four years ago. The times we had as single girls was so much fun!!! I'm so thankful that we became such close friends and even though we lose touch every now and then you're still my best girlfriend and I hope that our kids can grow up together!! haha ;)

3) Kimberly - I miss you!! All the times you, me and Grace had while at Criswell was so much fun! The sleepovers, the outings, all the giggling, talking and crying. . .the three of us were kindred spirits. Even though we don't see each other very often I love how we can connect immediately after so much time apart. We need to hang out soon! The three of us! And make it like old times. ;) I miss and love you!

4) Chase - Even though I'm married now, you're still a good friend and I think back on our best friendship with a smile and a laugh. You were there for me all the time and kept me laughing even when I didn't feel like it. When I hated the male race you were there to remind me that there were still some nice guys left out there. I am thankful for your friendship and even though we may lose touch, I will always care for you as my friend and brother.

5) Mom - You're my hero! I want to be just like you. You are a godly woman and a dedicated wife and mother. Even when you had seven kids in the house you always managed to keep the house clean, organized and uncluttered. I remember you getting up early to read your Bible, pray and sing. Your singing really annoyed me at the time but I think that along with prayer and the time you spent in the Word is what got you through the day. Watching you play your different roles, rejoice and laugh when times were good, and cry and yell when times were bad, taught me what makes a strong, good woman. You don't get the praise, admiration and appreciation that you deserve but know that I look up to you, admire you and love you very much!

6) Julia - I hope that you're no longer mad at me and that you understand why our friendship slowly dissolved. I still think of you as a friend and sister and still care about you very much. I really enjoyed being such good friends with you and I LOVED hanging out with you. I really love you and your family. I was friends with you because I liked you and we got along but I also wanted to be a good influence on you and just be an older person that you could trust and depend on. I know I made some mistakes and didn't always handle things well but I never meant to hurt or disappoint you. As you grow older I do believe you'll come to understand. I know I did. I love you and think about you often!

7) Joanna W - You are such a sweet and understanding girl. Even though we have drifted apart as well I still love you and think about you! I miss you and wish we could hang out soon! Darn you for living so far away! ;)

8) Joanna M - I facebook stalk you, just so you know. ;) I look back on our years as best friends with fondness. :) That was so long ago but the memories are still fresh in my mind. Thanks for being my friend when we were younger and I enjoy catching up with you every now and then. You are a sweet girl and I still love you!

9) Laura M - I always enjoyed our conversations. Gosh, hanging out with Jo at y'alls house when we were all younger was so much fun! You were always so wise and mature beyond your years. I looked up to you as a kid. :) Thanks for coming to my wedding! It was so nice to have you there. I wish we could catch up more! Love ya!

10) Jordon - I miss you!! You're my favorite Irish girl! haha I'll never forget the time we spent together in Ireland. It was so much fun to hang out with you. You are such a sweet girl. I hope I get to see you again one day!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Siiiick :(

The cold bug has invaded our home. I started feeling yucky Saturday night and I'm still feeling a bit yucky today. I'm hoping to be 100% by tomorrow or Thursday because I'm anxious to try out my cupcake maker. . .and I'm tired of laying in bed all day. Kyle also started feeling bad last night and didn't go to work today. Though it's nice to lay in bed all day with my hubby and not have to do anything, I hope that we are both feeling better soon. I felt some energy come back today but as the day wore on I started to feel progressively worse again. My body is aching, my head hurts, and my eyes feel tired. This stinks.

So, I'm going to steal something I found on a friend's Tumblr. It's called the 10 Day Tumblr Challenge but I think it can be used for any blog. Here is what it looks like:

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you were you had never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot to you
Day Seven: Four turn offs
Day Eight: Three turn ons
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now
Day Ten: One confession

It looks like fun and I like answering questions. I'll begin tomorrow because right now I need to lay back down and get some rest. Good night, stay well!