"In America, and in little circles where I function, love and
how it gets expressed is in great measure controlled by how we think people are
going to feel about what we say and what we do. America these days it seems to
me, and I see book titles bearing witness to it, are a people, not entirely but
in large measure, with very thin skins. Very given to feeling like victims,
feeling like they’re offended and they’re wounded and they are easily hurt, and
therefore it’s always someone else’s problem we can put our bad feelings on.
Which means that the way we express love to one another and to people we might
think need a tough word gets restricted because we feel ourselves held hostage
by their bad feelings. In other words, if they can convince us by body language
or by words or by lifestyle that if we say this then they are gonna feel bad
and we say, ‘probably not the loving thing to say.’ So instead of the bottom
line of love being a principle or a biblical rule or really what’s best for
people, its just feelings. How are they gonna feel if we do this or say
this? What I’m saying is
Christians ought to be different from our culture. We ought to be different. We
ought not to have thin skins. The church ought to be a place with thick skin.
Why? Because we don’t get our significance and our stability and our security
and our meaning and our worth from what people say about us! Do we? Do you?
I fear many of us do. There is a constant temptation to want to be liked, to
want to have people say nice things about us, we want to be approved, and to
get all of our joy and strength from day to day by the echo of what is coming
back to us in what we say. Bad news! That is bad, bad, bad! That is what human
beings without Christ are. But we are different! Why? We are loved by God, we
are chosen by God, we are forgiven by God, we are accepted by God, we are
indwelt by God, we strengthened by God, we are guided by God, we are secured by
God, we are surrounded by God. He is underneath, He is on top, He is
everywhere. What do we care? Or do we? Do we believe it, that’s the issue. Do
we believe that who we are, where we are going, how we get there, is God’s
thing, not the world’s or even other Christians? And so I just plead with you
not to be apart of the cultural thin skinness, so that when some hard word
lands on you, true or false, some ugly criticism, some slander, or some
legitimate rebuke, you don’t do like the world. The world does generally one of
two things: It shrinks into a little corner of self-pity and woundedness and 'oh
poor me, how could you ever do that to me, oh' or it sues you for harassment!
And they are both pulling from the same issue of thin skin. People who don’t
have their bearings, who don’t have roots, everything is being governed by how
you come on to them. Don’t be like that!"
So GOOD!
Our culture is way too caught up in feelings. We feel more than we think and it is ruining us. We don't even express love the way it should be expressed because we care far too much about feelings. Love is NOT a feeling, by the way. It is an action. It is a choice. And guess what? It often hurts more than it causes happiness.
I'm not saying that we should completely disregard people's feelings. I'm not saying we should all go around hurting each others feelings on purpose. What I am saying is that the bottom line of love should be a principle, a biblical rule, truth, what is best for the person, and not how they are going to feel about it. My parents didn't discipline me based on how I would feel about it. They disciplined me because it was good for me, because they loved me, whether I felt good about it or not. The discipline always hurt, it always made me mad, but that didn't keep them from acting out of love and teaching me that there are standards by which I must live. Our culture thinks that love means we never say anything that might be hurtful, we never disagree, we never judge, and we never say someone is wrong. We all have to tip toe around people's feelings for fear we might offend someone. Sorry, but I don't want to live that way. Contrary to what the world believes, that is not love.
My friend brought something about my behavior to my attention tonight even though there was a chance I would be offended and hurt. She did it out of love because she knew my behavior was disrespectful, hurtful, and unacceptable. Most people would get offended and angry for her judgment and not accept that as love. It did sting to be called out but I want that from her. She cared enough to be bold and call me out for my good, for my benefit, so that I can become more like Jesus. THAT is love.
We get so caught up in feelings that we are completely missing the opportunity to truly love people. We are missing the opportunity for deeper relationships and for a greater understanding of what biblical love and accountability is. Feelings do not last but true love and relationships rooted in Jesus Christ do. Let go of this worldly mentality, let go of the lies our culture feeds, and find biblical truth. There is deep joy and satisfaction to be found there.
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