There is No Escape

I am not your normal young woman but what is "normal" anyway?

I was raised by two wonderful parents who taught me to work hard, stay disciplined, to not always take the easy way out, to be honest, faithful, and think for myself. I was home schooled and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Contrary to popular belief I did not grow up in a closet nor was my life perfect bliss. I get good grades and do well in school not because I'm highly intelligent but because I work really hard for what I want. The only thing that comes easy to me is writing, being critical and being angry...though I try to control those last two. I am very opinionated and my mouth gets me in trouble from time to time. When I speak, I am blunt and to the point which makes it hard to take into consideration other people's feelings beforehand but is great for teaching. I have learned to listen well and good before speaking but I could improve. I could improve a lot.

I love to read, write, learn, and teach. I am a perfectionist and hold high standards for myself. . .I fail often. Other people fail me too because I expect more out of them then they will give. I've come to terms with that though and try to find balance.

I love theology. I go to a Bible college and am very passionate about my beliefs. I am so thankful for my education because without it I would not be where I am today; not in my understanding of Jesus Christ, the Gospel, and all things theological, and not in my own mental, physical and spiritual growth. I have much still to learn. I am still not where I know I need to be spiritually. It is a never ending process. I will never be enough on this Earth.

I have found that the hardest thing for me to do is to love people. I am very work focused. I get things done but my relationships tend to fall by the wayside. Amazingly enough God has blessed me with a husband and though I struggle to be a good wife for him, I love him so much and am so thankful for him. It is hard for me to show him and my words aren't always enough.

As you can see, I am far from perfect, but this is me. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it but this is who I am and there is no escape. I hold onto hope and onto God's plan. For whatever reason He saved me, and for whatever reason my husband loves me, so for this I live and continue to learn and grow and be better. It will take a lifetime.


There is No Escape

I can never shut off my mind
I live and relive
The things of yesterday, today and tomorrow
For I cannot escape
That which plagues my mind
That causes me dread
That which takes place in my own head -- me
The me no one knows
The me that thinks those thoughts
And ponders those secret wonders
The me that is better yet worse than I appear
The me who is constantly in fear

I wish I could turn it off
I wish I could get away
But myself is always there,
It will forever stay

There is no escape
There is no escape