The Hunger Games

Normally, if anything is popular, I tend to ignore it. If anything has a large following, has a lot of hype, and everyone and their mom is going crazy about it, I secretly loathe whatever it is. I just hate bandwagons. I hate being a sheep. I hate following the crowd. But when The Hunger Games blew up and I slowly began finding out what it was all about, I couldn't help but wonder what the big deal was. Why in the world would everyone love something that is about young people fighting each other to the death for the sake of entertainment? I couldn't let this one go so I decided to pick up book one of The Hunger Games and read it for myself.

I was already under the impression that I wouldn't be a fan but I wanted to give it a fair chance. As I read it though, I really struggled with the content. I struggled with how to feel about it and how to view it from a biblical worldview.

Let me stop there for a moment. Why should I even care about the biblical world view? Why can't I just take the book at face value and enjoy the story? Firstly, I must view everything from a biblical world view.  I can't call myself a follower of Christ and then pick and choose when I view things through His lenses. Everything I do, touch, read, and interact with has to be influenced and filtered through the Truth of God's Word. Secondly, this is a book that is about children killing each other. How could I not call that into question and deal with, not just the morality of it, but the theology behind it? How can I ignore it and not put any thought into it beyond, "Oh, that was a good story." I just can't, I have to deal with it.

The first thing I noticed about the book is that it is written in present tense. Most books are written in past tense so automatically, even with the first sentence, this book stands out. I also noticed that the book, contrary to popular belief, is not that well written. I kept in mind that the book was written for kids and thus it's at a lower reading level than I would normally read. It's easy to ignore the poor writing though, even almost forgivable, because the story itself is so intriguing.

Those are just a few minor aspects of the book that I quickly picked up on. The real issue I had with the book is the disturbing topic. Panem is a post-apocalyptic world in which the Capitol (the government) is a very brutal, communistic power over the twelve districts that make up Panem. The Capitol has full control over the districts and they don't allow anyone to forget it. That's the whole point of The Hunger Games; to remind the districts of the power the Capitol has to destroy them.

"Taking the kids from our districts, forcing them to kill one another while we watch - this is the Capitol's way of reminding us how totally we are at their mercy. How little chance we would stand of surviving another rebellion. Whatever words they use, the real message is clear. 'Look how we take your children and sacrifice them and there's nothing you can do. If you lift a finger, we will destroy every last one of you. Just as we did in District Thirteen.'"

The disturbing content doesn't end there. The Hunger Games is put on as a show, a festival, a time of celebration. Everyone outwardly ignores the fact that these children are being forced to fight to the death and that it is being publicly televised for everyone's entertainment. It's all a huge show in order to appease the Capitol and survive. It's all a show at the expense of twenty-three young lives. It is played off as an honor to be chosen but everyone knows that only one can survive and the likely hood of it being a kid from one of the poorer districts is very slim. The kids from the richer districts are well fed, well cared for, and are trained to fight in the Games, while the kids from the poorer districts work for their daily survival. Many of them go without enough food and thus enter the games already very weak and ill prepared. It's tragic if you give yourself enough time to think about it. Also, people make bets on who will be the victor. The whole attitude and approach to these Games is disturbing and anyone who might feel that this is wrong is powerless to speak about it, let alone do anything to stop it.

When the Games begin, the killing begins immediately as everyone fights for supplies, food, and water. As days go on and if there haven't been any killings and if things are getting "boring," the Gamemakers will do something that will drive the tributes out into the open and force them together. These kids are treated as puppets, as pawns in a game, and are at the will of the Gamemakers, the Capital, to make the Games as entertaining as possible. In the Hunger Games, entertainment equals killings and, in this particular game, a partially fabricated love story. Morals don't exist and, if they do, they go flying out the window as the only focus becomes survival at any cost.

However, there are two characters named Katniss and Peeta who are determined to defy the system. They choose to do good. They do kill some of the tributes but they help others, look out for each other, and subtly show their defiance for what they are being forced to do. They are not blood thirsty killers and the readers are made to feel angry and sorry for them. Even at the end when it was just Katniss, Peeta, and Cato left, I found myself rooting for Katniss and Peeta, anxiously waiting for Cato to be killed. I caught myself and was slightly horrified at the thought. Sure, Cato was painted in a negative light as he was one of the strongest of the tributes who had been trained for the Games. And who doesn't love to see the underdogs win? But Cato was just like Katniss and Peeta in the sense that he was unjustly thrown into these Games too and was just as much at the mercy of the Capitol. They were all simply fighting to survive. I brought myself back to neutral ground and finished the book with mixed feelings. What makes Katniss and Peeta better than the other twenty-two tributes? They chose good over evil. They chose love. That is a popular message, one we have heard over and over and over.

Here's my problem with this though and here is the climax of disturbance for me: in this world of The Hunger Games there is no God. With no God, there is no basis for good and there is no eternal hope. In the world of The Hunger Games goodness and hope are found within people and that can only go so far. Ultimately, there is no Good (with a capital "G") and there is definitely no lasting hope. That is the height of disturbance. Why? Because the "good" choices these kids made don't matter. Salvation can't be found in doing good. There is no point in doing good if there is no perfect God to determine what is good and to hold people accountable for their actions. This renders the good Katniss and Peeta chose to do as absolutely pointless and without basis. There is no eternal significance, no holy standard. It is simply human goodness tainted by sin. There is no hope in that. This is the climax of disturbance in The Hunger Games.

I am not saying that reading the book or watching the movie and enjoying it is wrong or sinful. If you liked The Hunger Games and you're a fan please don't read this as condemnation. It is an intriguing story and one that many people would be attracted to. It's human nature to be drawn to violent things and to want the "good" guys to win. In that aspect, The Hunger Games is a typical "good vs. evil" story and the response it has received is a very typical response. I'm not your typical person, however, and I had to take it a bit further than most people would.

My conclusion is this: I'm not jumping on this bandwagon. I most likely won't finish the series and I have no plans to see the movie. I simply don't care enough. It is definitely an interesting story, I won't deny that, but I don't see the point. The fact that it's all depending on human goodness without the sovereignty of a perfect, one true God is quite pointless and has no benefit so I see no need to continue reading. This is a personal choice and, ironically, there is no right or wrong answer. If you enjoy it, then by all means, enjoy! It's just not for me.


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By the way, if you want to read incredible writing with genius storytelling of intense action, violence, good vs evil, and eternal hope, pick up a Ted Dekker book! I promise you that it will be far better than The Hunger Games.

Baby Update

I have begun the third and last trimester of my pregnancy. Three more months sounds like a lot but that's only 12 weeks and that doesn't sound like a lot at all. So far this pregnancy has seemed to fly by but I hear the third trimester tends to crawl so we'll see how fast these last 12 weeks go.

I have begun to feel anxious thinking about how close the due date is getting and how much there is still to do. His room isn't ready let alone the house we're suppose to move into! I think about what all needs to be done and all the things we still need and it's a bit overwhelming. I want things to be done and ready well before he arrives but I don't know how realistic that is. The closer I get to his due date the bigger and more uncomfortable I'm going to get which means the harder it's going to be to get everything ready. I wish I could work on things now while I still have the energy.

My stomach has really grown in the past trimester...even in just the past month or so. I see myself in the mirror and I'm amazed at how much I just keep growing! It means he's growing and that means we are indeed approaching his birthday! He is a pretty active baby and enjoys giving me some swift kicks throughout the day amongst a ton of movement. Who knows what he's doing in there sometimes! I love feeling him move though and watching how Kyle reacts to the movements he feels makes me so happy. It reminds us that there really is a little person in there that we are so anxious to meet and get to know!

The trials that I'm facing as I enter the third trimester are aches and pains, emotional roller coasters, and the anxiousness that comes as each week passes by. My hips hurt as they widen and prepare for birth, my back hurts as my growing tummy puts more and more strain on it, my right thigh goes numb thanks to the sciatic nerve acting up, and I'm prone to bursting into tears for no reason at all. The uncontrollable hormones and crying episodes are most upsetting. It's a different kind of emotional breakdown. For one, it usually comes on really quickly and randomly. Everything will be fine, no reason to be upset, and then all of a sudden, BAM! I'm crying my eyes out. For another, I know in my head that there is no rational reason for me to be crying and yet I can't help it. I don't have control over my emotions when this happens and it's really unsettling. Even though it's totally normal and my crazy pregnant hormones are to blame, it's upsetting to feel so sad when I should be so happy. It makes me feel guilty.

So, needless to say, pregnancy is hard at times. It's strange because it's both miserable and wonderful, hard and exciting. A baby changes everything, even from the moment you find out you have conceived. Though I have had, have, and will continue to have my difficult moments, I am very thankful for how well this pregnancy has gone. Everything has been pretty normal, there haven't been a lot of worries or concerns, no ER trips, nothing out of the ordinary. It hasn't even really effected me and Kyle's relationship in a negative way as pregnancy can do sometimes. We've has some rough moments but for the most part it has just drawn us closer together. Kyle has been really great. He's been very supportive and understanding. I'm very blessed to have him as a husband and I'm confident in his ability to be a good father. Though he may be timid at first I think he's going to be very willing to help and do his part with the baby. I can't wait to see him hold our son. :)

All in all, things are going well. I may be getting more and more uncomfortable but Grayson is growing and kicking and getting ready to make his appearance...but hopefully not too soon or too late. :) And, Lord willingly, we'll be ready for him by the time June comes around. It really will be here before we know it!

A Redeemed Harlot

Then the word of the LORD came to me, saying, “Son of man, make known to Jerusalem her abominations and say, ‘Thus says the LORD GOD to Jerusalem, “Your origin and your birth are from the land of the Canaanite, your father was an Amorite and your mother a Hittite. As for your birth, on the day you were born your navel cord was not cut, nor were you washed with water for cleansing; you were not rubbed with salt or even wrapped in cloths. No eye looked with pity on you to do any of these things for you, to have compassion on you. Rather you were thrown out into the open field, for you were abhorred on the day you were born.

“When I passed by you and saw you squirming in your blood, I said to you while you were in your blood, ‘Live!’ Yes, I said to you while you were in your blood, ‘Live!’ I made you numerous like plants of the field. Then you grew up, became tall and reached the age for fine ornaments; your breasts were formed and your hair had grown. Yet you were naked and bare.

“Then I passed by you and saw you, and behold, you were at the time for love; so I spread My skirt over you and covered your nakedness. I also swore to you and entered into a covenant with you so that you became Mine,” declares the Lord GOD. “Then I bathed you with water, washed off your blood from you and anointed you with oil. I also clothed you with embroidered cloth and put sandals of porpoise skin on your feet; and I wrapped you with fine linen and covered you with silk. I adorned you with ornaments, put bracelets on your hands and a necklace around your neck. I also put a ring in your nostril, earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your dress was of fine linen, silk and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour, honey and oil; so you were exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty. Then your fame went forth among the nations on account of your beauty, for it was perfect because of My splendor which I bestowed on you,” declares the Lord GOD.

“But you trusted in your beauty and played the harlot because of your fame, and you poured out your harlotries on every passer-by who might be willing. You took some of your clothes, made for yourself high places of various colors and played the harlot on them, which should never come about nor happen. You also took your beautiful jewels made of My gold and of My silver, which I had given you, and made for yourself male images that you might play the harlot with them. Then you took your embroidered cloth and covered them, and offered My oil and My incense before them. Also My bread which I gave you, fine flour, oil and honey with which I fed you, you would offer before them for a soothing aroma; so it happened,” declares the Lord GOD. “Moreover, you took your sons and daughters whom you had borne to Me and sacrificed them to idols to be devoured. Were your harlotries so small a matter? You slaughtered My children and offered them up to idols by causing them to pass through the fire. Besides all your abominations and harlotries you did not remember the days of your youth, when you were naked and bare and squirming in your blood.

“Then it came about after all your wickedness (‘Woe, woe to you!’ declares the Lord GOD), that you built yourself a shrine and made yourself a high place in every square. You built yourself a high place at the top of every street and made your beauty abominable, and you spread your legs to every passer-by to multiply your harlotry. You also played the harlot with the Egyptians, your lustful neighbors, and multiplied your harlotry to make Me angry. Behold now, I have stretched out My hand against you and diminished your rations. And I delivered you up to the desire of those who hate you, the daughters of the Philistines, who are ashamed of your lewd conduct. Moreover, you played the harlot with the Assyrians because you were not satisfied; you played the harlot with them and still were not satisfied. You also multiplied your harlotry with the land of merchants, Chaldea, yet even with this you were not satisfied.”’”

“How languishing is your heart,” declares the Lord GOD, “while you do all these things, the actions of a bold-faced harlot. When you built your shrine at the beginning of every street and made your high place in every square, in disdaining money, you were not like a harlot. You adulteress wife, who takes strangers instead of her husband! Men give gifts to all harlots, but you give your gifts to all your lovers to bribe them to come to you from every direction for your harlotries. Thus you are different from those women in your harlotries, in that no one plays the harlot as you do, because you give money and no money is given you; thus you are different.”

Therefore, O harlot, hear the word of the LORD. Thus says the Lord GOD, “Because your lewdness was poured out and your nakedness uncovered through your harlotries with your lovers and with all your detestable idols, and because of the blood of your sons which you gave to idols, therefore, behold, I will gather all your lovers with whom you took pleasure, even all those whom you loved and all those whom you hated. So I will gather them against you from every direction and expose your nakedness to them that they may see all your nakedness. Thus I will judge you like women who commit adultery or shed blood are judged; and I will bring on you the blood of wrath and jealousy. I will also give you into the hands of your lovers, and they will tear down your shrines, demolish your high places, strip you of your clothing, take away your jewels, and will leave you naked and bare. They will incite a crowd against you and they will stone you and cut you to pieces with their swords. They will burn your houses with fire and execute judgments on you in the sight of many women. Then I will stop you from playing the harlot, and you will also no longer pay your lovers. So I will calm My fury against you and My jealousy will depart from you, and I will be pacified and angry no more. Because you have not remembered the days of your youth but have enraged Me by all these things, behold, I in turn will bring your conduct down on your own head,” declares the Lord GOD, “so that you will not commit this lewdness on top of all your other abominations.

“Behold, everyone who quotes proverbs will quote this proverb concerning you, saying, ‘Like mother, like daughter.’ You are the daughter of your mother, who loathed her husband and children. You are also the sister of your sisters, who loathed their husbands and children. Your mother was a Hittite and your father an Amorite. Now your older sister is Samaria, who lives north of you with her daughters; and your younger sister, who lives south of you, is Sodom with her daughters. Yet you have not merely walked in their ways or done according to their abominations; but, as if that were too little, you acted more corruptly in all your conduct than they. As I live,” declares the Lord GOD, “Sodom, your sister and her daughters have not done as you and your daughters have done. Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had arrogance, abundant food and careless ease, but she did not help the poor and needy. Thus they were haughty and committed abominations before Me. Therefore I removed them when I saw it. Furthermore, Samaria did not commit half of your sins, for you have multiplied your abominations more than they. Thus you have made your sisters appear righteous by all your abominations which you have committed. Also bear your disgrace in that you have made judgment favorable for your sisters. Because of your sins in which you acted more abominably than they, they are more in the right than you. Yes, be also ashamed and bear your disgrace, in that you made your sisters appear righteous.

“Nevertheless, I will restore their captivity, the captivity of Sodom and her daughters, the captivity of Samaria and her daughters, and along with them your own captivity, in order that you may bear your humiliation and feel ashamed for all that you have done when you become a consolation to them. Your sisters, Sodom with her daughters and Samaria with her daughters, will return to their former state, and you with your daughters will also return to your former state. As the name of your sister Sodom was not heard from your lips in your day of pride, before your wickedness was uncovered, so now you have become the reproach of the daughters of Edom and of all who are around her, of the daughters of the Philistines—those surrounding you who despise you. You have borne the penalty of your lewdness and abominations,” the LORD declares. For thus says the Lord GOD, “I will also do with you as you have done, you who have despised the oath by breaking the covenant."

“Nevertheless, I will remember My covenant with you in the days of your youth, and I will establish an everlasting covenant with you. Then you will remember your ways and be ashamed when you receive your sisters, both your older and your younger; and I will give them to you as daughters, but not because of your covenant. Thus I will establish My covenant with you, and you shall know that I am the LORD, so that you may remember and be ashamed and never open your mouth anymore because of your humiliation, when I have forgiven you for all that you have done,” the Lord GOD declares. 

~Ezekiel 16 (NASB)


I love this chapter in the Old Testament. It is using the imagery of a harlot to describe Jerusalem's unfaithfulness to Yahweh and the covenant. I don't think it's wrong, however, to replace Jerusalem with the church or, more specifically, with us (born again believers). The first time I read this chapter I was blown away with the way it was written. It is very powerful. In the first three paragraphs you can almost "hear" the love Yahweh has for this baby found in her own blood. Then you begin the fourth paragraph and you can almost "hear" Yahweh's wrath. He is angry. You see it in the way He says, "MY gold and MY silver, which I had given to you!" And then He comes right out and says, "I have stretched out my hand against you." Yahweh is not happy. In the following paragraphs you read about how He poured out His wrath and justice on this harlot with heartbreaking statements like, "I will also do with you as you have done, you who have despised the oath by breaking the covenant." But then comes the next paragraph, the very next sentence even, that declares His faithfulness and grace. After all that this harlot has done and after Yahweh has delivered his wrath and justice upon her, He says, "I will remember My covenant with you." It's the last sentence that gets me the most.

"Thus I will establish My covenant with you, and you shall know that I am the LORD, so that you may remember and be ashamed and never open your mouth anymore because of your humiliation, when I have forgiven you for all that you have done."

I love that. Yahweh justifiably poured out His wrath on this harlot but He didn't end there. He ended with grace and forgiveness. He had made a covenant with her and when Yahweh makes a covenant, He doesn't break it.

Now put yourself in the harlot's place. Does it not become all the more powerful? Do we not at times act like this harlot? It may not be in the literal sense but in many ways we can be unfaithful. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23). We have all been like this harlot; unfaithful, sinful, despised, covenant breakers. We all deserve the wrath and justice that Yahweh displayed. And just like the harlot, we do not deserve the grace and forgiveness Yahweh promised.

Isn't He holy? Isn't He so incredibly holy that He would take us, lying in our own blood, naked, helpless, and forgotten, adorn us with His love, and even when we're unfaithful to Him, that He would discipline us and bring us back into the covenant with grace and forgiveness? He is so holy, so righteous, and so loving.

Every time I read this chapter I am reminded of how much I am like a harlot and of how God, in His holiness and grace, has chosen not to destroy me but to have grace on me. His wrath and justice are real and there are times He delivers or allows that wrath and justice to fall on those He loves but He always ends with grace. It has nothing to do with us but everything to do with His holiness and grace. He chooses those to condemn and those to preserve and He is completely right in doing so. How beautiful it is to experience both God's justice and His grace, His anger and His love. How wonderful it is that He allows us to know Him and that He has forgiven us for all that we have done.

The "S" Word

Sex.

That's a loaded word and a topic I have avoided on my blog. There are boundaries. . .I'm not going to talk about my sex life. . .but there is a way to talk about sex in general in an appropriate way.

I stumbled across a blog a few weeks ago that is written by Sheila Wray Gregoire. She is an author, blogger, speaker, a Christian, a wife, and a mother. Her blog is titled To Love, Honor and Vacuum and this month (the month of February) she is writing a series called 29 Days to Great Sex which is leading up to the release of her new book, A Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex.

I began reading her blog series out of curiosity because it's rare to find anything about sex that is written from a Christian point of view. In fact, sex is often seen as a "bad" word and is usually an avoided topic amongst Christians. It's hard to find something that is open and honest about sex without being trashy. Because of this, so many people enter a sexual relationship (married or otherwise) completely unprepared for all that it entails.

We all grow up having learned about sex through some means. Some of us might have had parents who had "the talk" with us and some might have learned through friends, sex education class, media, experience, or all of the above. My mom had "the talk" with me but it was vague and centered on a classroom mouse. I learned far more about sex through friends and media than I did from "the talk." I distinctly remember my mom telling me that if I had any questions about sex that I was to ask her, not my friends, but I didn't know what questions to ask and even if I did, I didn't feel comfortable bringing them up with my mom. And let's face it, the first time I heard the term "blow job" I wasn't with my mom, I was with my friends. So, no matter if our parents had "the talk" with us or not, we most likely learned about sex through friends, media, and experience. This isn't a good thing because sex is strongly misrepresented to us, especially through media. Sex is made to look fun, easy, and nothing but a physical act that can be done with anyone, for any reason, at any time, and bearing no consequences. Sex has been cheapened and perverted. It has become a means for a man to get a physical release and a woman to get attention that she convinces herself is love. Sex has been so perverted from God's good and amazing purpose for it.

This even happens in marriage. For women, sex can become a chore and can even be non-satisfying in every way. For men, sex can become just a means to an end. Sex is meant for marriage between a man and a woman. Within the context of marriage, sex can be very good. So why are there so many married couples who have very unsatisfying sex lives?

I actually wasn't aware of how bad all of this was until I started reading Sheila's blog. I wasn't aware of how many couples struggle with having satisfying sex lives and I wasn't aware of how badly this false representation of sex is hurting us. It has got me thinking and has really shaped my view of sex. It has ignited in me a desire to speak out against this false understanding of sex and to see other married couples experience a satisfying sex life.

This may sound strange but let me explain. I don't just want other married couples to experience the physical pleasure that can come with having sex but rather understand, accept, and experience the full package. Sex is not just physical. It is also emotional and spiritual (intimate). It is a sacred act between husband and wife.

Since getting married, I have learned how vital sex is in a marriage. It isn't just a "bonus" or an added pleasure. It is a vital component to having a good relationship with your spouse outside of the bedroom. The longer I've been married the more I find this to be true. This is true because sex isn't just a shallow physical act. Within a marriage, sex provides not only physical pleasure, but an emotional and intimate bond that feeds our desire to be wanted, needed, and loved. Even for the man, his deepest desire is not a physical release but to know that he is wanted and loved.  

Side Note: Wives, if you are not having regular sex with your husband, not only is he suffering physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. He's suffering spiritually because without you, he's facing even greater temptation to find physical release through some other means. And he's suffering emotionally because he is not feeling desired by you which in turn makes him feel unloved.

So we all have a desire to be loved and we can experience the fulfillment of this desire in the most intimate of ways. Sex can be fulfilling for both the man and the woman when all three aspects of sex (physical, emotional, and spiritual) come into play. This is the way God meant for sex to be. He meant for it to be a physical, emotional, and spiritual act between a husband and wife that satisfies their desire to be loved. He did not mean for it to be a shallow physical act. He did not mean for it to be pornographic and perverted. He meant for it to be a deeply intimate act shared between a husband and wife that strengthens their marriage and their relationship with Him.

This takes work. I think that is probably one of the most surprising things for a person to discover about sex. It takes work. It isn't like those scenes in the movies where both partners passionately dive into bed, both knowing what they are doing, both being physically satisfied, both finding it easy, fun, and needing no commitment. Those scenes are lies. Sex takes work and in order for the work to be done there has to be a commitment. Every sexual encounter is not like those scenes in the movies. It isn't always that easy or fun. It isn't always satisfying. There is a lot more to it than the movies let on. Sex is not just passionate, it is vulnerable, highly vulnerable. That is a hard place to be for many of us. In order to be vulnerable, we have to let our guard down, we have to show ourselves. That can be scary. But when done within the context of a committed marriage, it is a beautiful, freeing experience.

I want to look at the other side for a moment. What is sex like when done outside of marriage? Well, physically it can be good but outside of marriage those other two aspects are either nonexistent or only vaguely present. The spiritual side of it, I would argue, would have to be nonexistent because God does not bless pre-marital sex. Even if sex is physically good outside of marriage, without those other two aspects, all it is is shallow, shameful, sinful, and full of hurt. If you have had sex outside of marriage you have not experienced it in the way it was meant to be, you have only cheapened it and have caused problems for yourself and your relationship with God. I know this because I had sex before I was married. As a result, I felt ashamed, guilty, and it hurt my relationship with Kyle, with God, and even my marriage. Pre-marital sex will effect your marriage and your marital sex life. Even if it has been a while, the baggage will venture into your marriage and wreck its havoc. I believe God had grace on me and my marriage because the consequences that were faced, even though they hurt, could have been a lot worse. He gave me the strength to deal with the shame and hurt of past mistakes and focus on building a healthy marriage. It is only by His grace that any of us can have satisfying marital sex lives. I believe that God wants us to have fulfilling marriages and He wants us to experience sex in the way He created it to be. It is an intimate and holy expression of committed love that was given to us by God Himself. It is meant to physically, emotionally, and spiritually blow our minds. ;)


There is plenty more that can be said but I'll leave that to Sheila. Please check out her blog and read her sex series. Also, check out her book! It will be available for Kindle on February 28th and available in print on March 10th.
 

Thick Skin

I came across an exert of a John Piper sermon on YouTube. It is really good and very relevant. I have posted the video here and I also transcribed it so that you can read it and follow along if you prefer.

"In America, and in little circles where I function, love and how it gets expressed is in great measure controlled by how we think people are going to feel about what we say and what we do. America these days it seems to me, and I see book titles bearing witness to it, are a people, not entirely but in large measure, with very thin skins. Very given to feeling like victims, feeling like they’re offended and they’re wounded and they are easily hurt, and therefore it’s always someone else’s problem we can put our bad feelings on. Which means that the way we express love to one another and to people we might think need a tough word gets restricted because we feel ourselves held hostage by their bad feelings. In other words, if they can convince us by body language or by words or by lifestyle that if we say this then they are gonna feel bad and we say, ‘probably not the loving thing to say.’ So instead of the bottom line of love being a principle or a biblical rule or really what’s best for people, its just feelings. How are they gonna feel if we do this or say this?  What I’m saying is Christians ought to be different from our culture. We ought to be different. We ought not to have thin skins. The church ought to be a place with thick skin. Why? Because we don’t get our significance and our stability and our security and our meaning and our worth from what people say about us! Do we? Do you? I fear many of us do. There is a constant temptation to want to be liked, to want to have people say nice things about us, we want to be approved, and to get all of our joy and strength from day to day by the echo of what is coming back to us in what we say. Bad news! That is bad, bad, bad! That is what human beings without Christ are. But we are different! Why? We are loved by God, we are chosen by God, we are forgiven by God, we are accepted by God, we are indwelt by God, we strengthened by God, we are guided by God, we are secured by God, we are surrounded by God. He is underneath, He is on top, He is everywhere. What do we care? Or do we? Do we believe it, that’s the issue. Do we believe that who we are, where we are going, how we get there, is God’s thing, not the world’s or even other Christians? And so I just plead with you not to be apart of the cultural thin skinness, so that when some hard word lands on you, true or false, some ugly criticism, some slander, or some legitimate rebuke, you don’t do like the world. The world does generally one of two things: It shrinks into a little corner of self-pity and woundedness and 'oh poor me, how could you ever do that to me, oh' or it sues you for harassment! And they are both pulling from the same issue of thin skin. People who don’t have their bearings, who don’t have roots, everything is being governed by how you come on to them. Don’t be like that!" 

So GOOD! 

Our culture is way too caught up in feelings. We feel more than we think and it is ruining us. We don't even express love the way it should be expressed because we care far too much about feelings. Love is NOT a feeling, by the way. It is an action. It is a choice. And guess what? It often hurts more than it causes happiness.

I'm not saying that we should completely disregard people's feelings. I'm not saying we should all go around hurting each others feelings on purpose. What I am saying is that the bottom line of love should be a principle, a biblical rule, truth, what is best for the person, and not how they are going to feel about it. My parents didn't discipline me based on how I would feel about it. They disciplined me because it was good for me, because they loved me, whether I felt good about it or not. The discipline always hurt, it always made me mad, but that didn't keep them from acting out of love and teaching me that there are standards by which I must live. Our culture thinks that love means we never say anything that might be hurtful, we never disagree, we never judge, and we never say someone is wrong. We all have to tip toe around people's feelings for fear we might offend someone. Sorry, but I don't want to live that way. Contrary to what the world believes, that is not love.

My friend brought something about my behavior to my attention tonight even though there was a chance I would be offended and hurt. She did it out of love because she knew my behavior was disrespectful, hurtful, and unacceptable. Most people would get offended and angry for her judgment and not accept that as love. It did sting to be called out but I want that from her. She cared enough to be bold and call me out for my good, for my benefit, so that I can become more like Jesus. THAT is love.

We get so caught up in feelings that we are completely missing the opportunity to truly love people. We are missing the opportunity for deeper relationships and for a greater understanding of what biblical love and accountability is. Feelings do not last but true love and relationships rooted in Jesus Christ do. Let go of this worldly mentality, let go of the lies our culture feeds, and find biblical truth. There is deep joy and satisfaction to be found there.

My Thoughts on the Duggar's Loss

Back in December Michelle Duggar went to her 20 week anatomy scan and they were unable to find the heartbeat of her baby. Her 20th child, a girl, had passed away. Any mother's heart would break in that moment yet there have been so many harsh opinions expressed. People are saying that this is what they get for getting pregnant again at her age and after already having so many kids. People even have the audacity to say that this loss is a sign from God to stop having kids. Even those who respect their decision to trust God question whether having more kids is wise considering how hard her last pregnancy was. What I see in these responses is heartlessness, the failure to understand how God works, and the failure to realize what trusting in God means.

A miscarriage is never a "sign" from God that this child should have never been conceived. He is the very One who brought about her conception. God had a purpose for Jubilee. We don't always understand why He does what He does and His purpose for Jubilee may never be realized but we can trust in His sovereignty. The fact that she was conceived was not a surprise to Him. The fact that she didn't come to term was also not a surprise to Him. God knew the entire time what He was doing. I can't say why He allowed Jubilee to be conceived knowing that she would never be born alive but that is where trust must enter in.

Trusting in God doesn't mean that He allows nothing but good to happen. Trusting in Him means relying on His omniscience and sovereignty even when things don't make sense. In fact, it is the tragic times that teach us to trust Him more. Just because Michelle's last pregnancy was so rough and scary doesn't mean that God can no longer be trusted. It doesn't mean that He no longer cares about them. It also doesn't mean that they should avoid going through that again. That is out of their control. I doubt Michelle would choose to have a rough pregnancy, to deal with preeclampsia, or to deliver much too early. Those things are out of her control so she trusts in God to give her a healthy pregnancy and, if problems arise, she trusts Him to work it out according to His will. That is what trust in God looks like. It's giving up control and allowing Him to do His work, whatever that may be.

God's Word says in Romans that He will "work all things together for the good of those who love God and to those who are called according to His purpose." That "working all things together" doesn't always look good to us. It will end up being good in God's eyes but the working it out is often painful for us. The Duggars are probably in pain right now as they deal with this loss but God will work this out for their good. Michelle and Jim Bob may always feel the sting of the death of their daughter but in time they will heal. There is great opportunity in this tragedy for the family to draw even closer to each other and to strengthen their faith and trust in God. There is great opportunity here for sanctification.

The world would look at this tragedy and say things like, "This is a sign to stop having kids," "they brought this on themselves," "they're just causing more pain for their family." But a person who understands what it means to trust God would look at this tragedy and say, "The Lord gives and takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Love Is In The Air

It's Valentine's Day! The day where everyone gives out candy, flowers, valentines, and shows extra appreciation for that special someone or wishes there was a special someone to spend the day with. Being the closeted romantic that I am, I have always enjoyed Valentine's Day, even when I was single. I didn't loath it like other single gals did. It wasn't always pleasant being reminded that I was single but I would dream of the day when I had someone who loved me and would make the day special. I dreamed of being pursued.

I remember the first Valentine's Day I had with Kyle. We had only been dating a month and I didn't know what to expect. V-Day fell on a Sunday that year so we went to church and then he brought me back to his parents house. He took me to his room where he had transformed it into a private restaurant. He had a table and chairs decked out with a tablecloth, flowers and rose petals, lunch, and sparkling grape juice. He had classical music playing on the TV and rose petals were strewn everywhere. There were also lots of little gifts sitting on the dresser and bedside table. I was blown away. It was the most thoughtful and romantic Valentine's Day I had ever had.

Kyle has yet to outdo that year but he doesn't have to. He's my husband now and everyday is like Valentine's Day in our home. I don't think a day goes by without him telling me that he loves me and he's constantly telling me how beautiful I am. He likes to surprise me with little gifts here and there but I think what I appreciate most is that he never allows me to doubt his love for me. I hear it everyday and I see it in the little things that he does. I see it when he rubs my back, when he gets me glasses of water, when he helps me clean, and when he put things away for me without being asked. I see it when he passes up time to play Skyrim to spend time with me. I see it when he chooses something I like over what he likes. It's the little things, not the big, flashy, expensive things, that show me he loves and appreciates me.

I know of husbands who never tell their wives that they love them and rarely do anything for them. I am so thankful that I have a husband who thinks of me, considers me, and cherishes me. I'm thankful that he tells me and that he shows me on a regular basis. I love him so much.

I love this song by FM Radio.
Be My Only
"Watch your hands move along my face they trace all the lines I've lived/It isn't hard to love your scars cause that's everywhere you've been"

My Role as Mother

My role as mother is to raise my child in such a way that glorifies God and fulfills His purpose for my child's life.

My role as mother is not about my happiness, convenience, comfort, or pride.

My role as mother is to sacrifice my body, my time, my energy, and my emotions.

My role as mother means not acting out of my woundedness but rather act in such a way that it's all about my child and his relationship to God.

My role as mother is a God ordained calling. It is an honor, a gift, and a blessing. It will further mold me, sharpen me, and increase my trust in, and reliance on, the Lord.

I will never be the perfect mother. I will make mistakes. But, with the Lord as my strength and my foundation, I will always love, cherish, discipline, motivate, teach, and guide my child for his good and God's glory.

Beginning the Process

Today was a very busy day. My husband and I are getting ready to make the move out of the in-laws house and into a duplex that is owned by his parents. The duplex has been empty for a while and now that we're expecting little Grayson it's time to move out and make room for baby. The duplex is in need of some work but is coming along nicely. New floors got put in today and it's looking great. A friend of mine and I went over and began work on the kitchen. We cleaned out the cabinets and drawers and started lining them. I also wiped down the outside of the fridge and the stove. It's looking much better but there is still some work to be done. We didn't get all of the liner in and the cabinets in the laundry room, as well as the pantry, still need to be cleaned out. The kitchen sink is disgusting as well. I'm not sure what needs to be done there but I know I'm not dealing with it! That is a man's job if there ever was one! lol

There is also some work that needs to be done in the bathroom and the backyard needs a new fence but that is also a man's job. I'm mainly concerned about getting things cleaned and functional at this point. It will still be some time before we can start moving but at least the process is going; I am happy about that. I look forward to getting Grayson's room set up the most I think. I already have it envisioned and I can't wait to make it happen! I think it's going to look really cute. :)

After all of the work today I am feeling quite drained. It still amazes me how little work it takes to wear me out and how much more effort I have to put forth in order to get things done. I think the most exhausting thing I did was scrub the fridge and I was doing that while sitting down! Ha! It did feel good to be active though and I will probably sleep extra good tonight. Especially if I can get Kyle to give me a massage. . .which I can. . .and will. ;)

Goodnight, friends!

Parenting for the Glory of God

I have been reading Sacred Parenting by Gary Thomas and it has really got me thinking about my role as a parent. Over the duration of my study of student ministry I have been forming my view of what the parental role is and what the parent-child relationship should look like but this book is solidifying my view.

I remember shopping at Target with my best friend Grace a few months ago and as she and I looked through the racks of clothes, I overheard a mother screeching at her child to stop what she was doing and be quiet. I looked at my friend and whispered, "Don't ever let me talk to my child like that." Was the child being a bit unruly? Maybe. I am of the opinion that the child was just being a child and the mom had no need to yell at her the way she did. I'm sure the mom was irritated but the way she spoke to her child was sad to me. I'm sure there will be times when I lose my cool and speak harshly towards my child but I have already set a goal to train myself to speak firmly but calmly. I never want to abuse my authority as parent and force my kids to act as anything but kids. I want to teach my kids how to behave in public but at the same time, I want them to be kids. I can't expect them to behave as adults now. I don't want to be the kind of parent who makes their kids behave a certain way because it makes it easier on them or so they aren't embarrassed. Parenting isn't about me and my appearance, it's about my kids and their physical, mental, emotional, and most importantly, their spiritual growth.

My hope is to raise godly children but I can't do that without being a godly parent. And even then, God's will must be done above my own. I have no idea what God's will is for this little one I'm carrying; all I can do is honor Him by faithfully fulfilling the role He has called me to fulfill. My role as parent will ultimately be to guide this child toward Jesus and toward God's will for his or her life, whatever that may be. I can dream and have high hopes for my baby to grow up and be an amazing person but more than anything I want him or her to be used according to the purpose God has set for him/her. I have already been praying for my baby's salvation and that he or she will know Jesus, love Him, and be faithful to Him above everything else. That is my greatest hope. But no matter what happens, I must remain faithful to God and be a godly mother, not only for my child, but out of love and honor for God. 

I know there will be days (probably more than I would like) when I will be a far from a godly mother. I know I'll get tired and angry. I know I'll yell and do and say things I'll regret. I know I won't be perfect. But I want to always remember that God has given me this child and it is a blessing, a gift, and an honor. I want to always remember that parenting isn't about making me feel good about myself but is just another way that I will be shaped into a more holy and godly person. 

I am excited to be a mother and to begin this new journey in parenting with my husband. I cannot wait to teach my child the Word of God, to raise him/her in the Truth. It won't be easy but I do believe with all my heart that it is the greatest thing I could ever devote my life to. I am both honored and humbled that God has called me to motherhood. The thought is both exciting and scary but I am confident in the Lord and in His sovereignty. He will give me the strength, wisdom, patience, and love that I will need to be the mother He has called me to be. I already love this baby and I already want so many things for him/her, but most of all I want to honor God and bring glory to Him through my parenting. That is what it comes down to; not to happiness, not to health or prosperity, not to pride, but to honoring God and glorifying Him. And in doing so, both me and my child's purpose will be fulfilled. 


"If our kids never hurt; if they never sin but are only 'sick'; if they never 'fail' but just get 'cheated' by an unfair coach, teacher, principal, and so on - they will never sense their need for a Savior. They will always take Adam's lame approach, blaming someone else for their own spiritual failing. And ultimately they may face God's wrath because of it.

Yes, it hurts us when our kids hurt, but it devastates our kids' eternal perspective far more when we hide their need for a Savior. Our hardest hurt may actually be their most important hurt. What a tragic loss if the hurt we spare ourselves is bought at the price of our children's salvation."

- Sacred Parenting

"Ultimately God's kingdom far outweighs in significance the personal comfort of my children. As much as I adore my children, as crazy as I feel about them, I betray them if I put their happiness and comfort over God's overall purpose in their lives and in our world."

- Sacred Parenting

"Sacred parenting calls me to accept the hardest hurt of all - for the sake of God's kingdom and for the sake of our children's own development. I need to allow my kids to face challenges, failure, rejection, and pain, and then teach them to use these seemingly negative events to fuel their sense of mission and to foster their dependence on God."

- Sacred Parenting

Reflecting on Christmas

Every year at Christmas I take some time to quietly reflect on the birth of my Savior. The birth of Jesus Christ, the Messiah, is the reason for Christmas after all.  And though Jesus was most likely born in the Spring, Christmas is when we celebrate His birth.

Yesterday I read Luke chapters 1 and 2 and it was like I was reading it for the first time. I was amazed at the thought of Jesus being born of a virgin, at Zechariah's prophecy after John's birth, and at the prophecy of Simeon at the temple. I was reminded that we so often forget the awesomeness of this event and the reason for why it even happened. Even Israel at the time didn't have a correct understanding of the Messiah's arrival. He didn't come as they expected Him to and He didn't act as they wanted Him to. And now we, all these years later, even with the Word of God to direct us, do not have a correct understanding of His arrival or of what He came to do. Like Israel, we expect Him to act in a way that fits our desires and our understanding of who He is. We still fail to "get it" and many of us never will until Jesus returns to establish His kingdom.

Jesus didn't come as a king to overthrow the Roman government; He came as a baby meant to die. Jesus didn't come to make us happy and safe; He came with a sword and with the message "repent and believe." He came in such a way that it was completely different from what anyone expected or desired, yet the way He came was completely right. And His ministry, His message, and His death was completely right. Jesus never got it wrong, He simply did and said things that we, apart from Him, would never find acceptable. My heart swells with the knowledge that Jesus is so not what any of us wanted and that He still does not fit into our man made mold of Him. I am so over joyed that Jesus is not what we would have Him be. He is God and as God He is holy. He possesses wrath and grace, hatred and love. He is holy and He is just. He is, and defines what is, right and good. I am so thankful and humbled that He came as a baby to die and that He did that to bring me to Himself for His glory. Without Him, I would hate Him. I would oppose Him. I would never choose Him for myself. He chose me and He had grace on me when He could have condemned me. There is no better reason to celebrate Christmas.



O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel
Shall come to thee, O Israel

Thinking about Baby

I haven't been posting as much as usual the past few months mainly because so many things are going on and my mind is kind of everywhere. Pregnancy has certainly made things harder and is changing my life. School was harder to accomplish, cleaning is harder to do, the laundry detergent is a horrible smell to me now, and though my energy has been returning, I still wear out faster than I used to. My body is also changing in ways I never even considered pre-pregnancy. My emotions are kind of everywhere and I now cry easier and at things that normally wouldn't phase me. I was watching a movie the other day and just started bawling at a particular scene. Before pregnancy I would have been moved by it but I wouldn't have cried, let alone bawl. I also forget things more often and feel like an idiot sometimes. I've walked into rooms and have totally forgotten why I was there. That's never happened before. So, there have been lots of changes and there are plenty more to come.

The morning sickness seems to have subsided. A few things still make me sick every now and then but for the most part I am done with throwing up. Now, it's dealing with gas and indigestion which can be uncomfortable. My back will also start to ache if I sit or stand too long. I guess I better get used to that because I'm assuming it will only get worse the bigger I get. I'm definitely not as miserable as I was a few weeks ago so I'm thankful for that.

The two things I am looking forward to in the near future is showing more and finding out the gender of our little one. I have an unltrasound at 20 weeks so only four more weeks to go. Hopefully the baby will cooperate and, for this ONE time, be "immodest." ;) I REALLY want to know what we're having so I can stop calling the baby "it" and starting using a name; as well as pick out baby stuff!! I feel like I'll also be able to bond a little bit more with the baby knowing the name and gender. Kyle and I both would like to begin our family with a boy but we wonder if, because we want a boy, that it's a girl. Either way I will be happy and hopefully Kyle will too. If it's a girl, I can totally see our little girl having her daddy wrapped around her little finger. :) I'm sure he will fall in love either way.

Christmas is only three days away and I am looking forward to spending it with Kyle and his side of the family. We have presents all around the tree and stockings hanging over the fireplace. We even have a little sock tacked up there for the baby. :) Though it will be over far too soon, it will be a nice Christmas and the year ahead is full of new journeys and good changes. I can't wait. :)

Your Jesus is Too Safe

The following three posts are Facebook notes that I wrote last year. I was reminded of them because I've been thinking over these issues again. I highly recommend Your Jesus is Too Safe by Jared Wilson as well as The Holiness of God by RC Sproul (which I am currently reading). These two books will rock your world and shape your view of Jesus as He was on Earth and as He is as God.



I wonder why terms like "get saved," "ask Jesus into your heart," and "relationship with God" make me wanna puke. It's not that I'm not "saved" or that Jesus isn't a part of my LIFE or that I don't have a relationship with God, it just may be that these terms have become so...lame. I didn't GET saved...Jesus chose to have grace on me. And I certainly didn't ask Jesus into my heart! I thought I had when I was younger but now that doesn't make any sense to me. What would Jesus be doing in my heart? What does that even mean? lol No, Jesus isn't in my heart but He is my leader and the One that I look to in everything. He is King and Lord. And I may have a relationship with God but it's not like the relationship I have with my parents, my friends or even my boyfriend. It's not like God and I hang out at the coffee shop or go to the movies. God isn't just another person I pal around with. He is more than that. Yes, I do see Him as a Father, a Friend and even a Lover but He is still so much more than that. Yes He's personal in these ways and I adore that about Him but He is also a ruler, a mighty ruler, who acts out of justice and sometimes wrath. He is a King and He is sovereign. He holds all things within His power and will. He is so much more than even my mind can fully comprehend. I don't like to talk about my "relationship with God" as if I'm discussing my relationship with my boyfriend. Am I communicating the difference here? I hope so...I don't want to sound heretical. I just think that Christians, especially American Christians, forget who Jesus is and why who He is is so important. We've gone into a spiritual slumber. Do we even recognize Jesus' power? Are we so caught up in Christianity that we forget about Jesus and the Gospel? Do we forget to follow? I've said this before and I still believe it...we've watered down what Christianity is suppose to be. We've changed it and made it more like the world....it looks like everything else. Jesus was radical but do we express that at all? Scripture is incredibly radical so why do we find it so boring? The very plan of creation and redemption is amazingly radical but we don't seem to even care! We go to church every Sunday but then live the rest of our days as if Jesus is not who He said He was, as if we have no grace, as if there is no hope, as if there is nothing to live for but ourselves! I find it incredibly sad. I can't say that none of this is true for me because it is and I hate it. But praise God that He is patient and full of grace because He remains faithful even when I do not. So no, I don't consider myself as one who "got saved" or as one who "invited Jesus into my heart" or as one who has a "relationship with God." I am one who was chosen by God to be brought out of the slavery of sin into a hopeful life of grace to be lived for His glory. I am one who follows God by allowing Him to lead every part of my life and to use me as He will. Do I hang out with God? In a sense, yes I do, but not like I hang out with other people. I read His unchanging Word, I can pray to Him whenever and wherever I want, and I learn more about Him and grow closer to Him in intimacy. Do I often screw this up? Heck yes I do and God will judge me but He still offers grace and hope. I know I should be a better follower but I don't want to forget why I'm even a follower in the first place.

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Your Jesus is Too Safe is a book written by Jared C Wilson. It has been sitting on my bedside table for months now and I just started reading it today. All I had to read was the introduction to know that this is going to be a good read. It is much like my previous note on my thoughts about God. Wilson wrote this book in order to bring to remembrance and realization that there is a real historical Jesus. Our nation has been marketing Jesus as all kinds of things. Jesus has become our "drive-thru, feel good Savior." He has been painted as a long haired, brown eyed, blank stare, "he must be a nice guy" kind of Jesus. What's worse is that even the CHURCH has misrepresented Jesus. "Yes, even the church itself is guilty when it comes to the marketing of Jesus. We've put our own gloss on him, our own spin. It's no wonder the world doesn't get Jesus, because we've spent decades selling a Jesus cast in our own image" (pg. 13). Christians read the Bible and still screw up the Gospel and still view Jesus as their cuddly teddy bear. How can you read the gospels and not understand who Jesus really is? Well, I must remember that I knew the Gospel forwards and back and had a completely wrong view of Jesus growing up. It wasn't until I started at Criswell that I began to learn and know the real Jesus; the historical Jesus and how what He did and said all those years ago meant then and now. I learned how important it is to see and hear Jesus as His first century audience would have. And let me tell you, it's completely different from how the 21st century church sees and hears Jesus.

"The purpose of Your Jesus is Too Safe is to remind us, for the glory of God and the hope of the world, of the original message of the historical person Jesus Christ, who was, in fact, God in the flesh. We're going to remove the gloss. We're going to venture beyond the hype and beneath the misconceptions to see the real, historical figure of Jesus Christ in his biblical and cultural context - and in this way to know God more fully, to see what God wants us to know about the revelation of himself in his son" (pg 15).

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Jesus was a promise. He was a prophet. He was/is a forgiver.

In the Old Testament Jesus was the promised Messiah. The Jews waited for Him and when He came, they rejected Him. They didn't understand Him. They wanted a King to come in and overthrow the Roman government and deliver them from their oppressors. But that's not what Jesus came to do. He came as the fulfillment of the Law. He came to bring a new covenant, a new kingdom. "The deliverance wasn't happening the way that so many people expected, as neither John nor Jesus had a sword, and neither advocated actually overthrowing the government. Instead, they wielded something far more dangerous: the radical message of a new kingdom" (pg. 23-24). The Jews wanted freedom from an oppressing government but Jesus came to offer Himself. He came and said, "I'm God. I'm IT. I'm the fulfillment of the Law. Repent and believe because the kingdom of God is here." The Jews didn't like this so much. They thought He was crazy. What they didn't understand is that they were looking for the wrong promise and the wrong freedom. "The real good news of the kingdom of God arriving to reign over the world is that the promise is not in stuff, but in God himself, manifest in the person of Jesus Christ. The promise is not a monetary or political inheritance. The promise is the king himself. The promise is Jesus" (pg. 25). So many Christians, even today, "accept" Christ because they think they He will give them a better life and that they will be blessed with things and everything their heart desires. No longer do Christians long for Christ. No longer do they yearn for Him and find satisfaction in Him. No longer do we present the Gospel with Christ as the focus. We take Christ to get something bigger and better as a result. Perhaps this is why we have so many fake Christians and pastors in our churches today and in so many Christian organizations. Perhaps so many people who call themselves Christians have not actually met the powerful Jesus Christ of the Gospels. They have only met a distorted figure of Him. Wilson says, "The message of Jesus--that he himself is life and you can't get it anywhere else, least of all in yourself--is the hardest message we could ever hear, because it goes completely against our perceptions and conceptions, our prejudices and our opinions. It goes radically against the bent of our souls" (pg 27). This is one of the things that I have always loved about Jesus. He is radically different. He came to do that which He did in such a radical way, in such a way that no one expected or even wanted. He did come as a promise and He fulfilled that promise. He took the Law, the Law that the Jews followed so closely, and He put the Law in context of Himself. He fulfilled it and now we no longer live under the Law, but under Christ.

Jesus was a prophet. I don't really have much to say about this. Wilson went over five criteria for a prophet that can be gathered from any of the Old Testament prophets and then he showed how Jesus fulfilled each of these criteria. At the end of the chapter Wilson says this, "That is what irritates about Jesus the Prophet. That is what disturbs about Jesus the Prophet. That is what offends about Jesus the Prophet. He has no interest in our self-interest, no concern for our personal space, no enablement for our self-satisfaction. He proclaims and prophesies himself, and he makes no bones about it" (pg 58).

 Jesus is a forgiver. Not only did He come to fulfill but to bring grace and forgiveness. Wilson discusses how important it is for Christians to have grace and forgiveness. He says that the church is suppose to be the face of grace to each other and to the world. Having grace and forgiving someone is not innate within us. When someone wrongs us we want to have vengeance, not forgive them. But we are to forgive because we've been forgiven and we are to forgive as we've been forgiven. "...it does mean we give up the option for vengeance, that we relinquish the spiritual power that unforgiveness can have over us" (pg. 72). To persevere in forgiveness is to be so unlike the world. To forgive as God has forgiven us is a radical and godly characteristic that every Christian should portray. And if at all possible, to create reconciliation and bring healing to brokenness is a great testimony for the kingdom of God.

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We like the soft, cuddly, give-me-happiness, I-want-to-go-to-heaven, security blanket Jesus. This Jesus isn't biblical. I don't know that Jesus. The Jesus I know from the Bible spoke of an upside down kingdom, showed radical love, judged, was the fulfillment of the law. He hung out with sinners, corrected their lifestyle, offered them forgiveness. He turned over tables, called the Pharisees snakes, and brought justice as well as grace. His skin was ripped to shreds and then He was hung on a cross where he bore the sin and shame of the world. The Father even turned His face away. This is the Jesus I know, this is the Jesus, the only Jesus that is found in the Bible. And it is THIS Jesus will bring joy, hope, and restoration.

_______________
 
"Ours is an upbeat generation with the accent on self-improvement and a broad-minded view of sin. Our thinking goes like this: If there is a God at all, He is certainly not holy. If He is perchance holy, He is not just. Even if He is both holy and just, we need not fear because His love and mercy override His holy justice. If we can stomach His holy and just character, we can rest in one thing: He cannot possess wrath. If we think soberly for five seconds, we must see our error. If God is holy at all, if God has an ounce of justice in His character, indeed if God exists as God, how could He possibly be anything else but angry with us? We violate His holiness; we insult His justice, we make light of His grace. These things can hardly please Him." - The Holiness of God by RC Sproul

I Got to See My Little One!

The past few days have been miserable. The morning sickness has turned into any-time-of-the-day sickness, the nausea sticks around for a while, and my lower back has begun to ache. I just feel crappy. I spend most of my time in bed and find it unbelievably exhausting to do the most normal of tasks. I literally have to lay on the bed and rest after taking a shower. The laundry takes me an extra long time to accomplish and my bedroom is probably the dirtiest it has been in a while. I just don't have the energy to keep up with what I normally do. Who knew developing a baby could take so much out of you? I certainly didn't. I can't even think straight anymore. I knew this was going to be hard but, of course, I didn't realize just how hard until I was experiencing it.

I had my first sonogram today and it was, in a word, surreal. When that baby first popped on the screen it was bouncing around and waving its arms and legs about. It was like Baby was happy to see us. :) It was so cool to see that it was so active and to see the flicker of the little heartbeat. Then, we were able to hear the heartbeat and I couldn't help myself. I cried out of joy and relief. Kyle was just in awe that it was even possible to hear the heartbeat but it was a different experience for me. Hearing the heartbeat means that the baby is really there and that all the miserableness that I have been feeling isn't for not. It is such a relief and a motivator to not only get through these next several months but to enjoy them. Now anytime that I'm feeling awful I can just look at the pictures of my little one and remember the sound of his or her heartbeat. I'm so thankful for that experience, it was a big encouragement and a huge blessing.

No More School, Please

Today I went to go put on some shorts and. . .I couldn't buckle them. I had worn these shorts just last week and they fit, a little snug, but they fit. Today I couldn't even buckle them. I'm not showing yet but I'm definitely getting thicker. I have had to resort to what I call my "comfy clothes." I'm now sporting sweatpants and athletic shorts!

I have been feeling very tired ALL THE TIME and the nausea comes and goes. Certain foods just make me feel blah so I've recently been going for the easy to eat soft foods that don't take much work to get down. The hardest thing I have had to deal with so far is my exhaustion and lack of energy. This is my last semester of college and it is imperative that I get all of this school work done! However, school work is the last thing I want to do right now! I have been more out of it and less on top of things this semester. My mind is on the baby and I'm just too tired to put as much effort into my assignments as I normally do. I'm trying, I'm doing my best, but I am so over school. I cannot wait for everything to be done so I can just focus on being pregnant and getting ready for the baby. I'm slowly loosing my motivation...I just want to be done!

A Little Blessing

October 1st is a day I'll never forget. Not only does it mark the beginning of the coming fall/winter months which I love but it is also the day that I discovered that God has granted us with a little blessing.

I had been sick with a cold the past few weeks so I wasn't really paying attention to much else but as I laid in bed the night before, I realized Aunt Flow hadn't made her appearance yet. I had a pregnancy test handy so I decided to take it in the morning just for the heck of it.

I really didn't think much of it. I expected it to be negative so when I saw that stick go from a timer to the word "pregnant" I was shocked. I couldn't believe it. I just stood there and didn't know what to do. My first thought was, "when should I tell Kyle?" Keep in mind that it was 6am and neither of us are used to getting up that early. I thought maybe I should wait until after class but then I worried that he would find the pregnancy test. I also knew I probably couldn't wait that long.

I sat on the bed and rubbed his arm to wake him up. He turned to me and I asked him if he was awake. I explained to him that I hadn't seen Aunt Flow yet so I took a pregnancy test. Then I lifted it up so he could see it and he paused, turned his head away, and said, "I'll believe it when I see it." I knew he was joking but all I said was that I was going to buy another just to be sure. I then went about getting ready to leave.

As I was getting ready I kept thinking about how much I wanted to be excited but was afraid that somehow it wasn't true. I expressed this concern to Kyle but he was far more excited and giddy than I was. He kept smiling at me and kept wanting to hold me and hug me. He was really cute. :)

The next morning I took another test and it was also positive. Again, I couldn't believe it. Other than a few subtle signs I really didn't feel pregnant. I also knew that these early weeks are very crucial and sensitive so I was really guarding my heart so that I wouldn't get too attached. Even now, I don't think it has really hit me yet and of course that worry and fear is still there. I keep telling myself, however, that God is in control. Just as I trusted Him in getting pregnant I can also trust Him to take care of my baby. Deep down inside I am thrilled but I don't know that it has truly hit me yet.

I had an appointment on October 11th and getting the pregnancy confirmed and talking with the RN really helped me feel more at ease. Hearing her say that their tests are really sensitive and that there is no doubt that I am pregnant made me breathe a sigh of relief. I have a sonogram scheduled for November 15th so if it doesn't become real to me by then it surely will when I see that little one in there!

I am seven weeks along and I am due June 9th, 2012. We are anxious for the coming weeks and we can't wait to find out whether we are having a boy or a girl. That was the first thing Kyle wanted to know but I had to inform him that it would be quite some time before we could find that out. :) Anyway, we're thankful, excited, and would appreciate all of your prayers for a healthy baby!

For My Husband on His Birthday

My husband's birthday is tomorrow and as I bake his chocolate cupcakes with chocolate ganache frosting and prepare for the festivities of tomorrow, I am reminded to take a moment and think of all the reasons I love and appreciate Kyle Kerby.

1. The first thing that drew me to him was his genuine kindness and care for a complete stranger. He is a far better person than I am.

2. I remember watching him worship and being struck by the fact that he wasn't putting on a show.

3. He is a gentleman.

4. His sense of style. :)

5. His laugh when he is truly enjoying himself.

6. The way he treats his mother.

7. The way he honors me.

8. His silliness....even though it does annoy me at times. ;)

9. The way he takes care of me.

10. The times he surprises me with the little things; like flowers, a new book, or coming home from work early.

11. His ability to show emotion.

12. He is very talented in a plethora of things. He knows more than he thinks he does and would never tell you.

13. He is humble.

14. He is intelligent.

15. When I hear him pray, talk about God, or stand up for his convictions, I am incredibly encouraged.

16. The way he loves his dog. :)

17. He is selfless.

18. He is loyal and faithful.

19. He is honest.

20. He's not perfect but he's perfect for me.

Being married to Kyle is teaching me a great deal about myself. Marriage tends to put a spot light on a person's imperfections because you realize how selfish and ungodly you really are. But at the same time, marriage shows you how great of a need there is to be close to Jesus. Thanks to my husband and our marriage, I am being sanctified and, little by little, becoming more like Jesus. It will take a lifetime which is why "I am my beloved's and he is mine". . .for a lifetime.

Thanks for being my husband, Kyle. I love you!

Hurt 2.0: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers

Chap Clark has provided some of the best resources for a look into today’s youth culture because he has done years of research by conducting surveys, interviews, and observing teenage environments. One of the books that have grown out of this research is Hurt 2.0, which is a follow up to the original Hurt that was published in 2004. Clark wrote Hurt 2.0 to reiterate what he has discovered and to hopefully reach more people with this very important information concerning a very crucial group of our society.

Hurt 2.0 consists of three parts, the first one being “The Changing Adolescent World.” In chapter one Clark first introduces and defines what adolescence is and how it has changed. Then, in chapter two, he defines and describes the primary, essential issue of today’s adolescents, which is that of systemic abandonment. The result of abandonment, which is something he calls “the world beneath,” is discussed in chapter three.

Part two is “The Landscape of the World Beneath” where twelve different units of the world beneath are discussed. Peers, school, family, sports, sex, busyness, stress, ethics, morality, partying, gaming, and social networking are some of the most important units to look at to see how the issue of abandonment has affected adolescent development in these areas. Clark provides information based on his research, gives scenarios that he has encountered, and shares pieces of conversations to give his readers an understanding of each unit from the point of view of an adolescent.

In this edition, Clark adds a chapter about “kids at the margins.” Here he takes a look at how vulnerable (under privileged) and privileged kids are affected by abandonment. He concludes that their development and experiences are quite different from the average, mainstream adolescent yet their needs and the results of abandonment are still the same.

In part three, “Where Do We Go from Here?” Clark shares three major needs of adolescents which all come down to one over arching need, the need for genuinely caring adults. And finally, Clark gives five strategies on how to turn the tide of systemic abandonment. Each one consists of adults taking an interest, understanding, and advocating for the adolescents that are within their reach.

I have read many of Chap Clark’s books and I have not found one that I do not like; Hurt 2.0 is no exception. His viewpoint on adolescent development and systemic abandonment confirmed for me what I had always suspected. Adults have systemically abandoned the young for the sake of their own agendas and, having left adolescents to figure out life on their own, have heaped expectations and developmentally damaging situations upon them.

Though the research part of Clark’s project may seem cold, he also writes from personal experience and involvement as a father and a volunteer. And though he is confident in his position he is also sensitive towards both the adult mindset and the adolescent’s world. He does not take sides but does claim to be an advocate for adolescents and shows genuine compassion and concern for them. He balances facts and emotions very well and gives a well-organized, well thought out, researched, and heart-pulling glimpse into the world of today’s teenager. He builds his argument well by beginning with the basics and then taking us deeper into the teenage world and giving realistic examples of how abandonment has affected youth.

I also love the way he respects teenagers through his honesty when he has made a mistake and his ability to speak out for them. He does not downplay the struggles, emotions, and confusing worldview of adolescents. And as hard as it is to learn the truth of why teenagers are the way they are today, Clark accepts it and implores the rest of adult society to accept it as well.

Like I have already stated, reading Clark’s books confirmed for me the view that I have been developing over the past few years, but after reading Hurt 2.0 I realized something. A question began to creep into my mind. How realistic is Clark’s solution to the issue of abandonment? I completely agree that adolescents need solid relationships with adults who will invest in them and that the lack there of has created a longer period of adolescence and has caused teenagers to find a way to survive on their own. What I am not so sure about is the solution of creating a seemingly idealistic environment where all adolescents are treated with equality and fairness. I am not saying that I do not want this for our teenagers. What I am saying is that that kind of environment is not realistic and will never exist.
Take sports for example. Clark claims that by the time adolescents reach high school their athletic role has already been decided. There are students who have and those who have not. There are those who can perform and deliver the results the coach, school, and parents want and then there are those who simply cannot. The fact that sports are so competitive now and no longer fun hurts the physic of adolescents. The solution that Clark gives it to allow each player an equal amount of playing time and for the non-athletes to be given the same opportunities as the athletes. I wish this were possible but it is not. Our world does not work that way.

I do admit that I may have misunderstood Clark’s position but I do think that we would agree that the issues adolescents face will never go away. In fact, Clark did state that since writing Hurt things have only gotten worse for adolescents and the amount of caring adults has diminished. That is discouraging and disheartening, especially since the solution to systemic abandonment is unattainable. However, a change, a shift in the right direction, however so small, is possible. This shift can happen with each adult, parent, teacher, coach, and youth worker that does choose to put off their own selfish agenda and invest himself or herself in the life of a teenager. For that reason, I would recommend this book to every adult who would be willing to read it. I believe that this book brings up a ton of vital information that adults need to know in order to begin to understand the world in which adolescents live. This book answers the “what is wrong with kids today?” question and though the answer may be something adults do not want to hear it is nonetheless true. It is important that adults read this book, or at least be presented with this information in some way, so that the before mentioned shift can begin to occur.

There are many concepts within this book that can be applied to life very easily, especially since Clark illustrated these concepts with real life situations, conversations, notes, and poems from existing adolescents. The concept I want to look at though is one of the strategies Clark gives to turn the tide of abandonment. The one that stood out to me was the one that stated, “Those who work with youth should be trained in the changing youth culture.” I whole-heartedly agree with Clark that this is very important. I have seen the importance of this more and more over the years as I have observed youth pastors and workers with their youth groups. Youth pastors tend to have passion, zeal, excitement, and a lot of plans but they fail to understand the true need of adolescents. They fail to look beyond the games, the pizza, the lock-ins, and the flashy events. This concept also applies to parents and teachers who may have good intentions but who have no idea how their adolescents feel, think, and what they encounter on a day-to-day basis.

I believe a way to train these youth pastors, workers, parents and teachers, is for those who have already been trained to offer seminars, classes, or conferences. I believe that there are already some options out there but I think it would be especially helpful for churches to have small groups that are specifically for parents of teenagers, high school teachers, and youth workers where the information and concepts from this book are discussed. Of course, these small groups would have to be lead by people who have already been trained and are thus qualified to lead such a group. This is something I would like to see happen though as I believe it would be very beneficial. 

Youth culture and this concept of abandonment are not easy to understand and accept but for the sake of our young we must begin to care, to invest, and to reach out. I am thankful for the research Chap Clark has done and continues to do and for the resources that he has provided, such as Hurt 2.0. My hope is that the information that this book contains will spread and continue to develop so that, little by little, adolescents can have a voice again.

Meet My Favorite Hip Hop Artist

Have you ever heard of Lecrae? If you haven't you need to go to YouTube right now and listen to one of his songs. 

Have you done it yet? Go! Do it now!

Seriously...you can't read any further until you do. I suggest "God is Enough." If you can't understand the lyrics, look them up on Google.

Lecrae is the best rapper and it's not because he raps well, though he does....I assume...I wouldn't really know being a white girl. 

The reason he's the best is because of his lyrics. His lyrics are solid. Why? Because he raps theology. What? Did you read that right? Yes, he raps theology, reformed theology. He raps Truth and it's clear that he does it not for himself but for the glory of God. His testimony is awesome, his humility is convicting, and his unashamed declaration of the Gospel is encouraging. God has given him a great gift and is using it to spread His Truth. I think it's awesome how God uses the things of the world, such as misfits and hip hop, to build His Kingdom. 

They said You came for the lame,

I'm the lamest

I made a mess

But You say You'll erase it

I'll take it

They say You came for the lame,

I'm the lamest

I broke my life but You say You'll replace it

I'll take it

- Just Like You by Lecrae

Check out this great interview with Lecrae and Trip Lee to learn more about Lecrae and his ministry.

An Interview with Lecrae and Trip Lee

Ecclesiastes and the Gospel of John

I have a confession to make.

I don't read my Bible as often as I should. I don't know what it is about doing the things I should do but they are never as easy to do as they sound. I mean, I pick up and read books all the time with little effort. Yet, to read my Bible, I have to make myself do it. I have to make a conscious effort. That doesn't seem right and I know it is something I need to work on. The Word of God should be something I crave yet I leave it sitting on my bedside table day after day. After long periods of not reading my Bible I do begin to thirst for it so I begin reading, everyday, for a about a week or so. It doesn't last very long.

When I do go to read, like today for instance, I always seem to find myself opening up to the book of Ecclesiastes or the Gospel of John. I have read the Bible in its entirety and I find awesome truth in every book but there is just something about Ecclesiastes and John.

The book of Ecclesiastes is very poetic which is something I appreciate. I love the way it is written and how it seems to be a struggle all the way up until the end when the simple conclusion is this: "fear God and keep His commandments for He will bring every act under judgement" (my paraphrase).  I love that because I used to write poetry and most of my poetry was very sorrowful. I have always been one to embrace sadness and feelings of hopelessness. I loved to write a poem that was full of sorrow and a sense of lost and then at the end put in a little ray of hope. I think that's why I like Ecclesiastes so much. Life is futile, pointless, the book says. Yet at the end we find a purpose and we find a bit of hope. The purpose is to fear God and keep His commandments and the hope is that He will judge every act whether it be good or evil. To me, that's the reality of life. Life is hard, hurtful, and sometimes there is a sense of hopelessness yet I know that, as a follow of Christ, I have a purpose and a hope. To me, that's beautiful.

Courtesy of Still Light Media

The Gospel of John is another favorite for three reasons: the perspective of the Gospel given, chapter 17, and the mentions of the disciple whom Jesus loved. Of the four Gospels John is the oddball. (I tend to love anything that is unusual, different, and out of the ordinary). All you have to do is take a look at the beginning of John and it's obvious that it is not like the others. (Which is why Matthew, Mark, and Luke are called the synoptic Gospels). The book gives a different perspective of the Gospel and it is quite interesting to study. When reading John a few years ago chapter 17 really stood out to me. In this chapter Jesus is praying for His disciples and it is so moving. Anytime I read it I feel closer to God because Jesus wasn't just praying for the twelve but for everyone who would believe; that includes me. That's crazy to think about but Jesus prayed that all His disciples would be one with each other and one with Himself and the Father. Just to read Jesus' words to the Father is awesome but to know that He was beseeching God on behalf of His followers is even better; it makes it personal and real. Another thing about the book of John is the mention of "the disciple whom Jesus loved." This has always been fascinating to me. Who this disciple was is debated yet unknown but the traditional belief is that it was John himself. Another theory I have heard is that the disciple was Lazarus which is an interesting theory but only a theory. The fact that this title of "the disciple whom Jesus loved" even existed is interesting to me. And it is even more interesting that it was this disciple who wrote the book of John (check out John 21:24). I would like to believe that this disciple is indeed the apostle John (the same John who traditionally wrote 1st, 2nd, and 3rd John and Revelation). However, there is no way to truly know. The fact that there was such a disciple is intriguing and I love the way he ends his book, "And there are also many other things which Jesus did, which if they were written in detail, I suppose that even the world itself would not contain the books that would be written" (John 21:25). I must say, "Mr. Beloved Disciple, I like your style."

So, if you're like me and you haven't read your Bible in a while, pick it up, dust it off, and dive into one of these books. You may find yourself going back for a second, third, or 100th read.